I’ve been a crab for twenty-four hours.
It all started when someone asked me a question, and I responded defensively and then the father of lies jumped in with all of his hogwash and made a mess of everything.
“You’re not worth fighting for.” he said, “You are selfish at the core, and think of no one but yourself. Your dreams are not reality. You have tricked yourself into following them as an easy escape from life’s problems.”
Because I was tired, weak in heart and still feeling defensive, I believed all of it.
My joy was robbed.
It’s messy enough trying to make big decisions for your future, but when you start believing lies… things get ugly pretty fast. Each lie is joined by it’s own disease until your heart is trampled.
People (and most animals) caught on pretty soon, and gave me a wide berth.
I sat at my desk the next day, trying to write encouraging words to a friend and finally decided that I needed some music for inspiration. The first song that played went like this:
“Whatever you’re doing inside of me… it feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace. It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see, but I’m giving in to something heavenly. Time for a milestone… time to begin again. Revaluate who I really am.
So show me what it is you want from me.
I give everything….
Time to face up. Clean this old house. Time to breathe in and let everything out that I’ve wanted to say for so many years. Time to release all my held back tears. Whatever you’re doing, inside of me…. it feels like chaos, but…. I believe. You’re up to something bigger than me.
LARGER THAN LIFE.
While the “You’re up to something heavenly… bigger than me.” promise was still reverberating in my mind, the next words came through my speakers.
“Lord I come. I confess. Bowing here, I find my rest. Without you I fall apart… you’re the One that guides my heart. Lord I need you, oh, I need You. Every hour I need you.
My ONE DEFENSE.
Oh God, how I need you. Where sin runs deep, your grace is more. Where grace is found is where you are. And where you are, Lord, I AM FREE!!
HOLINESS IS CHRIST IN ME.
Teach my song to rise to you, when temptations come my way. When I cannot stand I’ll fall on you. Jesus, you’re my hope and stay!!!!”
“Jesus… MY righteousness??” “Holiness is Christ in me?” I was overwhelmed.
“For real, Jesus? But…. my sins. They are HUGE! ”
“I AM your righteousness. It’s not about you at all. Where sin runs deep, My grace is MORE. Come to me, and you will be free.”
“Ok. I will!!!”
He smiled, and I could have swore He wrapped His arms around me.
My heart jumped into the sky. And of course, the next song that played was,
“I’m trading my sorrow! I’m trading my shame! I’m laying them down…. for the JOY OF THE LORD.”
THIS. This was what my Loving Father was holding out to me.
I received it, and cried.
Forgiveness overwhelmed me.
Yes, Lord. Yes. I AM blessed beyond the curse. Get behind me, satan. JESUS HIMSELF is fighting for me, and He will never stop.
My Jesus is up to something LARGER THAN LIFE. Something HEAVENLY.
He does not despise me, but instead holds out HOLINESS, FREEDOM & GRACE.
His promise will endure, and His joy’s gonna be my strength.
He told me so Himself, in one big love ambush in my old-fashioned straight-backed chair.
And I accept His words.