Category: When the Humorous and Unpredictable Collide
In Which We Disassemble A Washing Machine
“It’s what mechanics have! At one end, it’s like a wrench and then on the other end is the octagon thing…” If there’s any conversational precept I wish I could remember before the moment of crisis, it’s this one: When once your foot has been firmly wedged into your mouth, continued discourse will in no…
People who speak of lifting houses singlehandedly usually have a ties to spy business, or so I’m told.
Mad Hatter, Esq.
“I do so love your serving spoon for the rice!” the elder child chirped, “Could it be… a cheese slicer? Very clever. I’ve used that to slice cheese before, so I recognize it.” We were having an oriental tea-less party, and voluptuous consumption of perfectly tender sweet and sour chicken, made solely by the hand of the 9-year-old, had catapulted us…
The Terror That Flieth By Night….
It was three a.m. and I awoke to purring in the rafters above my bed. If I would have woken up hungry for a snack, it would have been ok, and I would pilfered some cookies and gone back to bed. If it had been a housemate sleep-talking, no big deal. If it had been…
Another 8 a.m. lesson
My friends and I went camping on Assateague Island for my friend’s 21st birthday. We camped in the State Park area, which was blooming with dune goldenrod (which is unusual), and teeming with people (as it is all season). We strolled the beach as the setting sun tainted the cloud-filled sky with a hundred hues, roasted hotdogs over…
Don’t eat in the shower, kids.
If you had an awkward week, let me tell you about mine. Maybe it will make you feel better. I had to practice my swimming this week, and this is how it went. I didn’t make my week’s goal. I had to call someone I’d never called before, and I didn’t know his voicemail only lasts…
Pick Up Lines, Church Style
Pick up lines crack me up. Anyone who knows me well has probably been the awkward recipient of one…… because hey, let’s just face it, everyone’s day gets brighter when someone they love compares them to a pomegranate. So, if you need a little help at Youth Group tonight, here you go. My top five…
My Yellow Dress & What Sounded Like A Helicopter
I was 18, and my first car was a Mercury Sable station wagon. Eggshell-tan, except for where the paint was peeling to reveal a lighter color underneath. Inside, the upholstery was ripped and if you plopped into your seat too hard dust would fall from the exposed and brittle insulation in the ceiling. The license…
One day not so long ago, I received a call from one of my best buddies, who happens to live in the valley right below me. She called to tell me about a creepy raccoon that was parading about on their property at all unrighteous hours of the day. I mean, it LOOKED innocent enough. But raccoons are…
April Fools ALLREADY??!?
Since I’m one of those lame people who forgets about April Fool’s Day until the day is almost over…. here’s my to-do list for NEXT year. Or, um, anytime, really…… < Make Someone The Unchewable Sandwich Put Juicy Fruit gum in between slices of white cheese on a cheese and meat sandwich. Paste on an innocent…